


Memories of Sorrow

by Kalua



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Anger, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I tried to edit this but you can still kinda tell I wrote it at 3AM half asleep, Technically Major Character Death but he dies before the start of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25732525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalua/pseuds/Kalua
Summary: Axel is gone for good now. Saix, lacking a heart, probably shouldn't be able to feel anything. Shouldn't.
Relationships: Axel & Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Memories of Sorrow

Now it was too late. Too late to apologize. To make things right. Explain why he’d done what he’d done.

Saïx shook his head. He shouldn’t think like that. Axel had been a traitor. He had gotten the end a traitor deserved.

Even if Axel were the most loyal member of their organization, Saïx lacked the Heart to feel sorrow, or grief, or loneliness.

And yet.

And yet, there was an ache in his chest, strangling him and crushing his physical heart for lack of a spiritual one. Saïx’ grabbed his coat, right where his heart was and would be.

A memory, he told himself. This was what he _remembered_ loss felt, and since he _remembered_ Axel—Lea—as his best friend, his body reacted to this _memory_ stronger than it had for any loss Isa had encountered.

Somehow, that thought felt like a lie.

Saïx looked out the window, stared at Kingdom Hearts, tried to steady his breathing.

Too late.

No, that wasn’t quite right, was it? It wasn’t “too late” _now_. It had been “too late” a long time ago. Last year, when Roxas had joined their ranks, and Axel had preferred to spend his time playing the child’s babysitter, forgetting or perhaps ignoring the plans they’d made, the history they’d shared.

Saïx took a deep breath as he focused on these new thoughts.

No, he and Axel—Isa and Lea—would never again share a sea-salt ice cream in the sunset, but that chance hadn’t been taken from them today, but long before. When Axel had cast him aside, throwing him away like an old toy he was tired of.

This was easier. Memories of anger were better than memories of sorrow, thinking of Axel’s many betrayals preferable to mulling over his own shortcomings.

 _You’ve changed_ , Axel had said. As if he hadn’t done the same.

Saïx scoffed. Of course he’d changed, just like Axel had changed from the boy named Lea into the Organization’s assassin. But unlike Axel, Saïx had _held on_. He’d held on to the memories of their friendship, to the promises and plans they’d made.

And then Axel had left.

The boy who’d promised to stay with him. His best friend, the one person Saïx had thought would always be by his side, whom he trusted more than anyone, including himself, had left.

Saïx would’ve walked through fire—literally, if need be—for Axel. And there was a time Isa had believed Lea would do the same for him.

He’d been wrong.

Even if Saïx were granted a Heart to grieve with, it would have been wasted; he’d grieve for a friend who had been gone for a long time, who may have never existed in the first place.

Somehow, the thought didn’t dull the ache in his chest, not even when Saïx’ breathing grew steadier and he finally turned away from the moon, nor when he left his room to dispose of the intruders.

He couldn’t quite help wondering: How little had he meant to Axel—had Isa meant to Lea—that he was willing to search all the worlds for Roxas, willing to die for Sora, but hadn’t considered _their_ friendship worth fighting for?

A question Saïx would never find an answer to now.

**Author's Note:**

> Interesting. I usually project on _Lea/Axel_. _About this exact issue._  
>  Also: Guess I'm not quite as over it as I thought. (important note: Nobody died in the case of my "it". However, I also can't solve it by slapping an old men with an oversized key.)


End file.
